Tuesday, 31 January 2017

The Ritual of the Norwegian Blue

The Ritual of the Norwegian Blue as performed by initiates of the Great Temple of the Sacred Water Lily (England) 2008.

All enter the temple hall flocking and then circling in a sun wise direction, all should be flapping their arms and making loud squawking noises.

Two officers approach the altar while the congregation flock in the centre, noise shall cease.

Officer#1 (questioner): “Look my lad, I’ve just about had enough of this. This parrot is definitely deceased.”

Officer#2 (keeper of the blue): “It’s probably pining for the fjords.”

Officer#1: “Pining for the fjords? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?”

Officer#2: “The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back! Beautiful bird.”

Officer#1: “Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot and I discovered the only reason it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.”

Officer#2 “Well, off course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and vroom.”

Officer#1: “Look matey this parrot wouldn’t vroom if you put four thousand volts through it! It’s bleedin’ demised!”

Officer#2: “It’s not, it’s pining!”

Officer#1: “It’s not pining, it’s passed on. This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be. It’s expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace.”


Officer#1: “If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up daisies. It’s run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.”


“This parrot is no more, it has ceased to be.”
“This parrot is no more, it has ceased to be.”
“This parrot is no more, it has ceased to be.”

Officer #1 & #2 in unison:

“Bereft of life, it rests in peace.”

All exit in silence pining for the fjords.

This ritual is based upon the sermon delivered to the faithful by the prophets Cleese, Idle, Jones, Chapman, Palin and Gilliam.

First published in Silver Wheel volume 2 (2010) © D. B. Griffith 2008.

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