In the summer of 2018 I was asked
to present a talk at the Nottingham Pagan Network Moot. I was given only two
parameters. The talk was to be no more than thirty minutes long and on the
subject of Paganism. Now thirty minutes isn’t very long and Paganism is a very broad
subject. I understand how these matters work, I have organised events myself
and I have been guilty of setting similar rather vague parameters. The issue is
how to narrow the focus to something a little more meaningful.
So what did I to talk about? Was I
going to define Paganism? Did I define Witchcraft, Traditional or other? Can
they even be defined? I did none of these. I spoke instead about a deeply
personal subject. I spoke about my own crooked path, my own spiritual journey. It
may surprise many of you reading this to learn that as a child, I was brought
up in an officially atheistic household. Yet today I stand within Paganism as a
traditional polytheist. This move from atheism to polytheism is significant and
I have never been a Christian. Which I believe in Paganism to be quite unusual.
To understand this dramatic shift in perspective, it is necessary to provide
some context regarding my life experience.
My father went to war in 1943 a
good Chapel boy from Wales but he was not a boy when he returned home. He was a
man who had witnessed true human horror. He had become an atheist. A man unable
to accommodate the Christian message of a loving God, with the very real
atrocities he had seen in Burma and Malaya. After the war he moved to
Nottingham where his mother was living with her second husband, my father was
looking for work. He came to work in Derby and met my mother, who was from a
non-practicing Catholic family. So throughout my childhood, religion was a
sensitive issue and often subject to censure
As a child I developed an interest
in mythology, we as a family had an interest in history. I remember watching
entranced, such films as ‘Jason and the Argonauts’ for example. At about nine
or ten, I remember having lessons about Greek Mythology at junior school and I
was fascinated. The teacher however, rather spoilt the lessons by attempting to
play them down. I remember her telling us that they were just stories and had
no real meaning. Even at ten years old I remember quite distinctly, internally
questioning this foolish statement.
I could not believe that an entire
culture and nation could and would, base its whole concept of civilisation on
something that was now being dismissed as mere stories for children. Even at
ten years old, I could recognise that within mythology, there is something deeply
significant and meaningful. It was later that as a teenager, I read a little Gareth
Knight and began to develop a passing if secretive interest in occultism. The
seeds had been sown but germination was long delayed.
My father died in 1988 and his
death brought about major changes within our lives. Of the four children, three
became Christians but perhaps because of my interest in mythology, I fell back
on my teenage interests. I shifted rapidly towards modern Paganism and Wicca. I
read extensively and began to attend some of the local moots. As my mother’s
health deteriorated and I became her carer. I was unable to attend meetings and
so took to distance learning with a group based in Humberside.
When my mother died I spread my
wings a second time and became less isolated. I returned to the ‘Pagan’ scene,
attending moots and lecture nights on a regular basis. Today I have very much
moved away from my early wiccanesque influences but unlike some, I certainly do
not deny them. It is where I started. Officially I never progressed beyond
first degree, having now declined further initiation twice.
It is worth giving some thought to
how we as individuals and as Pagans are influenced. We are all influenced by
society and the environment of our existence. We are influenced by our parents,
our family, our friends, our class, our education and a myriad of social
economic circumstance. Even if we reject the principles they represent, we are
still reacting to an influence of some nature.
Today I am a Traditional Pagan and
I am a polytheist. To be brought up in an atheistic household, to pass through
the duotheism of Wicca and to now hold the theological perspective of polytheism;
without ever being a Christian, is a radical perhaps revolutionary development.
Books that can at least be held as partly responsible for this development, as
triggers to a new way of thinking, are ‘Witchcraft a tradition renewed’ by Evan
John Jones the former Magistrar of the Clan of Tubal Cain and ‘Call of the
Horned Piper’ by Nigel Jackson.
Up until my discovery of Evan John
Jones and the Clan of Tubal Cain, much of my reading had been that of Valiente
and the Farrars. ‘Natural Magic’ by Doreen Valiente remains one of my all-time
favourite works, read so often that like my first copy of ‘Witch amongst us’ by
Louis Bourne, it fell apart. Bourne and in particular Valiente spoke to me via
their works, striking a deep and resonating chord within me. Something both
natural and otherworldly, was able to take me to a place inside, where few
writers have ever reached.
The move towards the works of
Jones, Jackson and others, may not be a natural progression for all of us but
for me it flowed seamlessly from the works of Valiente. The discovery of both
authors was however, a challenge to my now comfortable spirituality and fired a
fresh desire to search, to delve and explore further. An uncomfortable and at
times unpleasant quest.
Although my path and my practice
are earthier today. Rather more traditionalist in content and approach than it
was in the beginning. I do however, still consider myself to be a Pagan by
religion, the use of the word religion doesn’t disturb me but I do object to
the patronising prefix of ‘neo.’ The avoidance of this usage is something I
share with Graham Harvey and others, it isn’t unique. Paganism is not a new
faith or even a new religion, because its roots have a long history. It is in
my opinion, a spirituality that is inspired by the past but not restricted by
it.
Whether I can describe my Paganism
and my Craft as a lifestyle, a spirituality or a religion alone, is
problematic. There are crossovers and influences, the boundaries are not in my
view, clear or easily perceived. My lifestyle I suspect, influences my
religious views but my spirituality must influence my lifestyle in such a
manner, that I am open to such influences and choices. There is I suspect a
symbiotic relationship, which is near impossible to separate the longer I am a
practitioner.
It should of course be obvious that
Paths will differ within Paganism, that there are many kinds of Pagan and
differing kinds of Witchcraft. Some Witches are Pagan and some are not. It is
challenging if not impossible; to identify a primary model or template, by
which we can measure one path with another and decide absolute authenticity.
I am of the opinion that no one
chooses their spiritual path. We may think we do but influences unknown; Fate
and our own psychology, will place us at points in our lives where choice is a
matter of circumstance. Our choice is not a choice. Spirituality and religion
are not fashions. We do not wake up and decide that today we will be a Jew or a
Muslim, a Pagan or a Christian. It isn’t comparable with buying new shoes or
having our hair done. Spirituality is not about accessories but it is about
living.
Nor do we choose our own Gods,
although many still think they do. If a God or Goddess doesn’t want you, then
eventually you will find out and those that want you will take you. We may
fight, we may miss the omens or even attempt to ignore them. Eventually a path
will lead into an unknown forest and if necessary, a God or Goddess will drag
you kicking and screaming into the forest and set that Crooked Path straight.
Once we have set foot upon the
Crooked Path that can never truly be straightened, by whatever name we call
that path; whether it be the Left Hand Path or the Hidden Way. Once we have begun
to explore the Secret and Nameless Artes, we are never the same again. We are
changed.
These are all names used to
distinguish what we do from the straight and the well-trodden paths of our
mundane society. We will face challenges both mental and physical, friends and
family may even turn against us, these are tests that many of us face and some
of us will turn back.
The Crooked Path is a call; a deep
echoing and primeval one, which touches us at an atavistic level. It is the
call of the Witchblood, it is the call of our ancestors and once heard it can
never be unheard. That is why some of those who do turn back, still return to
the Crooked Path by a spiral one. Our choice is not a choice.
Folklore is an important influence
and in particular that which is of a local flavour. My craft is firmly rooted
within the land, it is a traditional cultural and regional based Paganism. An
awareness of local custom, history and folklore is intrinsic to my path. From
the legends of Sherwood to the well-dressings of Derbyshire, custom, belief and
tradition play a vital part within my spirituality. The attendance of, the occasional
participation in and even the incorporation of such activities in my own rites,
provides me with a link to the lore of this our land.
This naturally leads us to ask,
what is folklore and what is tradition? I am willing to present, perhaps
bravely or perhaps foolishly, a working definition of one but not the other.
Namely that Folklore is that body of custom and tradition, belief and practice
of a society as a whole. Noting that this body of belief and practice; exists
with a particular regard to or emphasis upon, those beliefs and practices of
the common people, as opposed to but not always excluding those of the elites.
This is perhaps a longwinded
definition and one that not everyone will agree with. Folklore encompasses and
can include history, legend and mythology, so serving as a cultural and
spiritual denominator, which can ultimately provide both continuity and
identity. I am not going to attempt to define tradition. I shall leave that to
others.
As I draw this work to a close; I
note that like my own crooked path, I have meandered. I hope that the reader
has been able to follow my thread; as like Theseus, I have attempted to lead
you through a labyrinth.
Today I stand upon a Crooked Path
and that description is apt. My wanderings over the past thirty years to reach
where I stand today, has been an unforeseen journey. A journey of confusion and
torment. A journey of searching, questioning, self-doubt and bewilderment; to
finally reach a point where I have become what I have become. I did not decide
to walk this path I did not choose, I became and may those who are wise
understand what is written.